Sudden Hope Read online

  Mike shakes his head. “I still don’t have a good feeling about it.”

  I shrug and stand up. “Well, like I said. He’ll get bored. Until then, how bad can it really be?”

  “Skylar,” he shakes his head, “Mandy and Lizzie have been torturing us for years. You know better. Things can always get worse.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  ALEC

  It’s the middle of the night when I hear the sound of metal clicking together. I look out of my window and see Skylar dragging the ladder to the side of the house. I look over at the clock and it’s two in the morning.

  Not wanting to wake anyone by yelling out of my window, I quietly go outside. In a way, I’m lucky to catch her before she could go up to the roof. I find the ladder laying on the grass and her sitting next to it, crying.

  “Sky?” I whisper.

  She turns around and stands up. Her whole body is trembling.

  “Leave me alone, please,” she says.

  “I will, if that is what you want; but I’m definitely not letting you climb up there in this condition.”

  She wipes her tears with the back of her hand.

  “What condition?”

  “Really? You’re shaking like I was the other day, and I know it’s not because you are afraid of heights.”

  She doesn’t say anything.

  “Come on. Let’s go out back,” I say. “You can talk about it if you want. If not, I’ll just hang around like I’m not even here… at least until you decide to go back in.”

  She goes out back and I follow her. I sit on the patio swing and to my surprise she sits next to me.

  I just sit here, looking up at the stars and trying to give her space.

  After a moment, she starts to snap a rubber band against her wrist. I can’t help but look over and see how red her wrist is.

  “What is the deal with the rubber band?” I ask.

  She takes a deep breath. “Kristi used to do this when things got bad. It was something she was told to do to keep her from doing bad things.”

  “Like cutting?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

  She nods. “How do you know?”

  “Kyle’s mom is a therapist. She works somewhere else after school, and we hear her talking about things sometimes.”

  She sighs. “I keep trying to understand what she was going through. Mike and I go through the same stuff, but I don’t know… maybe she was more vulnerable to it. I feel guilty. I keep thinking there is something wrong with me. I knew what those girls were doing to us. I should have known what was going through Kristi’s mind. I should have been able to stop her.”

  She sobs uncontrollably. I move closer and she flinches.

  “You can’t blame yourself for that. None of it is your fault, Sky.”

  I’m suddenly afraid that she’ll do something stupid.

  “You know that your parents love you, right?” I feel stupid for even bringing it up.

  She nods.

  “And all of this school stuff,” I say, “… it’s just a phase. To some of those girls, school will be the highlight of their lives. People like you… people who are beautiful inside and out… those are the ones who will shine in whatever they decide to do.”

  She is staring at me, probably wondering why I’m saying these things.

  “I’m serious, Sky. I know your friend had a history with depression, and the stuff at school only made things worse. I wish she had the help she deserved, I really do. Don’t let Mandy and Lizzie get to you, please. They don’t deserve your attention… they don’t deserve any amount of your time. Do you want to know what my mom used to tell me when I was sick and feeling like... well, like none of this is really worth it?”

  “Y—yes.” She sobs.

  “Her favorite quote, ‘to the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.’” I pause. “You’re one of the lucky ones. You’re the world to far more people than you think.”

  I reach for her hand and this time, she doesn’t pull away. I slowly move my hand toward the rubber band and take it off. “You don’t need this,” I say, “And if you ever think you do, I want you to go talk to someone, or you can come talk to me. I’ll always be here for you.”

  She nods, still sobbing.

  We stay here in silence, swinging for a little while, and I suddenly have a crazy idea.

  “Hey. Do you want to go to prom with me?”

  Her eyes widen.

  “As friends.” I say. “In fact, Kyle is trying to get out of going with Mandy and might join us.”

  “Alec, I don’t want any drama with Mandy and Lizzie.”

  “There won’t be any drama. I’ll make sure they leave you alone, even if I have to stalk you at school.”

  She laughs.

  “I thought you and Lizzie were a thing.”

  I grin. “She wants to be, but I have a no dating rule.”

  “How come?” she asks.

  I hate when people ask me that.

  I shrug. “I guess it’s just not a priority right now,” I lie. “So, do you want to go?” I ask again.

  “Honestly, not really.”

  We fall into silence again.

  “Alec?” she says.

  “Yeah?”

  “Kristi’s mom asked me to go by her house tomorrow. She wants me to pick something that was hers for me to keep. I couldn’t bring myself to say no and I was going to ask Mike to go with me, but he’s not dealing well with all of this, so I—I.”

  “I’ll go with you,” I say and I can feel her relax against the back of the swing as I offer it.

  “Thank you.”

  “You don’t have to thank me, Sky.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  SKYLAR

  Alec is at my house right on time to leave. I say bye to Mom and Dad, and we get in his truck. I tell him where Kristi lives—used to live. It’s so hard getting used to the fact that she’s gone.

  “I’m sorry about last night,” I say.

  “You have nothing to apologize for,” he grins at me. “So, you never answered my question about prom.”

  I laugh. “Yes, I did. But nice try.”

  “Can you at least give it some thought?” he asks.

  “We would go just as friends?” I ask again and he nods.

  I can’t bring myself to give him a flat out no. Not with him doing this for me today. “I don’t know, Alec. I guess I’ll think about it.”

  “Sounds fair,” he says.

  He turns on her street and I can feel my heart racing, and not in a good way.

  “It’s the third house on the left,” I say.

  He parks the truck in the driveway and I just sit here, unable to move.

  He shuts the engine off and I look at him nervously.

  “Whenever you are ready,” he says. “Take your time.”

  I take a deep breath and open the door.

  By the time I get to the front door, her mom is standing there, waiting. She looks like she hasn’t slept in days and I feel bad for not coming by to see her sooner.

  I spent so much time in this house, hanging out with Kristi.

  “Hi sweetheart,” she says and pulls me into a hug. “I thought Mike would be coming with you,” she says, looking at Alec.

  I shake my head. “I—he is having a really tough time. I figured maybe it was best if I came without him. Is this okay?”

  “Yes, of course. I’m just glad you’re here.”

  “This is my friend Alec,” I tell her.

  She nods. “You were at the hospital that night,” she says, remembering him.

  “Yes, ma’am”

  She nods. “Come on in.”

  Inside, we sit in the living room and she brings us each a can of soda.

  She takes a deep breath. “Dennis and I talked a lot about it. There is a family who recently lost everything in a fire and they have a teenage daughter. We thought we would donate her th—“ she starts crying “–her things to this girl.
”

  I start crying along with her. I glance at Alec who is sitting by my side and he seems so lost—unsure of what to do.

  “I’d like you to pick something for you to keep, and if you could, maybe something for me… something you think Kristi would want me to have.”

  Still crying, I nod.

  She stands up. “You can go ahead when you’re ready, sweetheart. I need to step outside for a minute… get some air.”

  “Okay.” I stand up, but Alec stays where he is.

  I walk toward the back of the hallway, where her room is. Before I open the door, I look back at Alec in the living room. He gives me a short nod as if to encourage me and I open the door, but that is all I can do. I get hit with so many emotions. Being here without her and knowing that she isn’t coming back, feels so wrong. I just stare inside her room, unable to move, and I feel the overwhelming need to turn around and run away. Being here makes everything seem so much more real. I listen to that urge and turn around to leave, but I find Alec standing right behind me. I look up into his eyes and all I see is compassion. Our eyes stay locked for a while, before he pulls me toward him, and gives me a hug. His arms tighten around my back and I can feel his chin resting against the top of my head. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m sorry things happened like this.”

  My arms seem to find their way around his waist and I close my eyes and stay like this, just focusing on breathing and the sound of his heartbeat.

  “You don’t have to go in,” he finally says. “Her mom will understand.”

  I take a deep breath and pull away, looking up into his eyes.

  “No. I want to.”

  “Should I go in with you?”

  I stand in silence for a minute, not sure what to tell him.

  “I think I’ll be okay,” I finally say.

  He nods. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”

  I step inside the room where we had so many sleepovers. I can’t even imagine what she would say about Alec, of all people, being here with me. I don’t even know why I wonder that…

  I sit on her bed and look all around me. I keep wondering what she was doing that night… what was going through her mind. I look around some more. It honestly doesn’t matter what I take as a reminder of her. She was my best friend and nothing will ever take those memories away.

  I spot a picture of her and me on the back of her dresser. It was a picture of us on the beach one year, when her parents took us. It was nice, being away from everyone at school and from all the drama. I stand up and pick up the picture knowing that is all I want. Next to it, there is a small jewelry box. Kristi was never one to wear jewelry, but she did have a couple of things and one of them was a necklace I gave her for her birthday. The necklace has an angel wing pendant. I hold on to it to give her mom.

  I glance at the door and see that Alec is still standing there, waiting.

  “Are you doing okay?” he asks.

  “Yes, I think so.” I take another good look around her room for the last time and walk toward the door.

  Her mom is back in the living room. She stands up when she sees us and I walk toward her. I grab her hand and open it with her palm facing up. I slowly put the necklace in her hand.

  She smiles at me with tears in her eyes, and hugs me.

  “Please stop by to see us, sweetheart. We would miss not having you around too.”

  I hug her tighter. “I will.”

  We get back in the truck.

  “Where to now?” asks Alec.

  “Home.”

  He seems surprised.

  “I really just want to be alone for a while.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I’m sure. And I’m okay, I promise. I just need to be alone.”

  We don’t really say anything on the way home. I keep staring at the picture I’m holding, and reliving that day on the beach over and over again.

  When he parks the truck, I can see that he is tense and worried. I don’t know how to feel about him right now… all of this… I expected him to be bored with me by now. I didn’t expect him to be around for more than a day or so, and definitely not to be this supportive.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Right before dinner, Mom knocks on my door and looks in the room.

  I sit up on my bed. I’m feeling much better than I did earlier.

  “Honey, Mike is here.”

  “Oh. Okay.”

  “You can invite him to stay for dinner if you’d like. It should be ready in about twenty minutes.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  She smiles at me before leaving.

  I get up, run my fingers through my hair and go down the stairs.

  “Hey, Mike.”

  “Hey.” He looks so sad it breaks my heart even more.

  “Mom says you can stay for dinner if you’d like.”

  “Do you want me to stay?” he asks.

  I give him a confused look. “That is a weird question. Of course I do.”

  He shrugs it off.

  I sit on the couch across from him. I know we both have a lot going on, but he’s not acting like himself… in a very strange way.

  “What’s going on, Mike?”

  He sighs. “I heard you took Alec to Kristi’s house.”

  “How did you hear about it?”

  “Kristi’s mom asked me to stop by. I guess it was some time after you left that she called me.”

  “Oh. Well, I didn’t want to go alone.”

  “Hmmm. Hello? Best friend here. Or at least used to be.”

  That hurts. “You’re still my best friend, Mike.”

  “Do you think Kristi would have liked him at her house?”

  I can’t even describe how I feel. I feel the tears coming. “That is not fair, Mike. Alec has been supportive and offered to go with me so I didn’t have to be alone. That is all. He is a friend and you have no right to tell me who I can or can’t hang out with!”

  “WAKE UP, SKYLAR. YOU’RE FALLING FOR HIM AND HE IS GOING TO CRUSH YOU!”

  I can feel the tears starting to run down my face.

  I notice that Mike is now looking over my shoulder, and turn around to find my dad standing there. I see my mom walk into the living room, coming from the kitchen.

  “Hi Mr. Bradshaw. I’m sorry for yelling.”

  Dad ignores Mike and looks at me.

  “Are you okay, sweetie?”

  I cross my arms and without taking my eyes off Mike’s, I say, “No. I’m far from okay. I don’t need to deal with this silly stuff on top of everything else that is going on.”

  “Dinner is ready,” says Mom in a tense tone.

  Mike looks back and forth between Mom and Dad. “I think that maybe I should go. I’m sorry, Skylar. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

  “That sounds like a good idea,” says Dad.

  “Bye, Skylar.”

  I keep staring at Mike but don’t say anything in return. After a while, he turns around and leaves. I hate how tense everyone seems. I ask Mom if I can just eat in my room and I’m surprised when she says that I can.

  I grab my plate and disappear into my room.

  I can’t eat. I put my plate on my desk and turn on the TV.

  I get a text from Mike. ‘I’m sorry, okay? I’m just worried about you.’

  I text Mike back, ‘He’s just a friend, Mike.’ I pause and shake my head before typing the rest. ‘I’m not going to fall for him.’

  ***

  I have a horrible nightmare that night. I see Kristi in my room. She’s holding two bottles of medicine. She hands me one and smiles. “You can come with me,” she says.

  I give her a shocked look.

  “Mike warned you that you’d fall for Alec. Did you really think you’d get a happy ending? Did you think Lizzie was going to let that go?”

  Luckily, the alarm goes off and wakes me up before I find out what happens next. But, the nightmare does mess with me quite a bit. I missed seeing Kristi, but not like t
hat.

  I have a new text from Mike, ‘Hey. Do you mind if we hang out alone today? I had a bad night and want to talk. And I’m really sorry.’

  ‘Ok,’ I agree. Truth is, maybe I need some distance from Alec. I didn’t expect this friendship to start growing and maybe I need to reevaluate things.

  I text Mike back, ‘Are you driving your mom’s car today? Can you give me a ride to school?’

  ‘Yeah. Will be there in 20.’

  I get up and quickly get dressed. I run downstairs, grab a breakfast bar, and go outside, where I find Alec waiting by his truck.

  I have a few minutes until Mike gets here. I take a deep breath and walk over to Alec.

  “Is everything okay?” he asks.

  “Yes, but I’m riding with Mike today. He’s having a tough time, so I think I need a few days to just hang out with him and see what’s going on. You get it, right?”

  I know he doesn’t. I can see it in his expression. “Yeah. I guess. You are okay though, right?” he asks.

  “Yes,” I lie and I hate doing that, but in a way, I do think that Mike and I need some kind of normalcy. We need time to get back to the friendship that we used to have, and I know that won’t happen with Alec around.

  ***

  I spend the next few days hanging out with Mike at school and at home, but we’re far from being the way we used to be. It’s just not the same. We watch movies and play games, and limit our conversations to random stuff.

  In a way, it’s nice to feel invisible again. Lizzie and Mandy don’t bother us. I mean, we hear them say our names once or twice, but we’re not the center of their attention and we block out their comments. We stay as far away from everyone as we can.

  I see Alec watching us during lunch, and sometimes after school. Today at lunch, I even think he is heading our way, but I shake my head and go back to talking to Mike.

  ALEC

  I’m worried about her. I know she is spending time with her friend, but I never see her smile or laugh. At school today, I notice rubber bands around her wrist and I freak out. I keep staring to see if there are any marks, or if her skin is red. I even try to get closer to get a better look, but she shakes her head and goes back to talking to him. All this week after school, he seems to always be hanging around and I never know what to do. I want to give her the space she asked for, but I’m driving myself crazy in the mean time. I’m worried and I feel the urge to do something to pull her out of being sad all the time.